Sunday, March 31, 2013

When 100 Years Is Not Enough

This icon looks grainy only because
I've enlarged it so much. But next
to your name, it'll look beautiful!
I've heard your complaints about the 100-year premium memberships. "Why only 100 years?", you ask "Why not 200? Or 500? Or a THOUSAND?!"

The love for Atlas Quest shows no bounds! And at long last, I've worked up a 1000-year premium membership. It's our best deal EVER for premium membership!

For just $999, you get all the same perks as the 100 year members—the ability to list finds on unlisted boxes, listing custom locations on any traditional letterbox on Atlas Quest, access to the Premium Members Only board, eight tag options, and the list goes on! Not only that, you'll have exclusive access to wear a blue feather on your hat.

And if you order now, while supplies last, you'll receive a free bonus gift from us—an official Atlas Quest baseball cap! Absolutely free! (Not including shipping and handling.)

And a second bonus gift—an autographed copy of Mr. Tortuga's bestselling West Coast Trail book: A Tale of Two Trails. Absolutely free! (Not including shipping and handling.)

But wait! That's not all! If you order in the next 24 hours, we'll give you all this—the 1000 year premium membership, the blue feather, the AQ baseball cap, A Tale of Two Trails, and more—for just $499! That's less than 50 cents per year of premium membership—our best offer ever!

Already a premium member? No problem! We'll add your 1000 year premium membership to the end of your existing membership! You'll never have to worry about renewing again! And, at the end of the 1000 years, if you want to renew, you're guaranteed to receive the same low-low price of just $499 for another one thousand years! Considering inflation, that's practically FREE!

A deal like this may never come again! And if you act NOW, you'll also receive five—yes, FIVE!—Atlas Quest patches and another five Wassa Eye Bleach patches for free! (Not including shipping and handling.)

So act now!


Okie Dog said...

Wow! And even a reduction of price within the same blog post. From $999, down to $499. Cool!
I really think for that price, however, we should have an up close encounter of the dealer on a trail near us. Personal trail guide, doncha know? ;-)

Anonymous said...

Transhumanist life extension may help our frail boxer bodies leap the Singularity, alas it'd be cool to see an overview of the AQ 1000 year business plan. :)

River Sol

Alice said...

Sign me up! I would of course like the senior rate. The check is in the mail!

Anonymous said...

just call me St. Stoopid!
i want the baseball cap. Who can resist free shipping and i look MARVALOUS in blue.